Plenary,

Meeting date: Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Official Report 382KB pdf

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Time for Reflection

Good afternoon. The first item of business is time for reflection. Our time for reflection leader today is Mr Rob Parsons, who is the executive chairman of Care for the Family.

The apostle Paul wrote:

"When I am weak, then I am strong."

People who turn to our charity, Care for the Family, are looking for solutions to their problems, but I have discovered that they often have a much deeper need. They need to know that they are not alone, and sometimes that means that we have to share a little of our weakness with them.

When I talk in seminars about parenting, I have discovered that what really gets people's attention is not when I share 10 tips on how to be a great parent, but when I relate some of the challenging experiences that my wife Dianne and I have had with our children. When we do that, I hear sighs of relief sweep across the audience as parents realise, "It's not just us."

We run a bereaved parents network in Scotland. We put parents who have lost a child—through accident, illness or sometimes even murder—in touch with other parents who have experienced that grief. We also run "living with loss" weekends for those parents, and I recently asked one of our senior counsellors, Peter, how a weekend had gone. He said, "It's completely remarkable. When the parents arrive, some of them—especially the men—sit with their arms folded, as if to say, ‘It was a waste of time coming here. You can't give us our child back. We should go now.' Then I tell them how we lost our son Peter when he was 21 years old. I tell them that my wife and I love each other, but she couldn't get near me. All I wanted to do was walk and cry. I didn't want to take my life, but I didn't want to live either. People would come to me and say, ‘Peter, time will heal', but it doesn't heal. The pain gets easier, but it doesn't heal, and it's not meant to heal. Some would come to me and say, ‘You have three other great kids', and I'd say, ‘But I want him'."

He said, "Being honest with those parents has an incredible effect, and by the Sunday afternoon many of them have opened like flowers. They say to me, ‘Thank you'; and their eyes are filled with tears. I have given them no easy answers, because there are no easy answers—just an understanding that others have walked and are walking that path, and are trying to come through it."

We have lots of projects in Care for the Family: "How to Drug-Proof your Kids"—a course that is used by Strathclyde police and others; "Quidz In", which helps parents to teach their kids sound financial management; and events for single parents and for those whose partners die early in life. There are more than 30 projects in all. We take time on research and strive to give people answers to their needs. However, I say to our 100 staff, "Never ever forget that many people can find their own answers, but what they crave more than anything else is to know that they are not alone." We do not need working for us people who have perfect marriages, or whose kids are perfect, or who have never known trauma. We need the broken: people who can identify with others, and who can reach out a hand and say, "Me, too—I've been there."

That is, perhaps, why Thornton Wilder said:

"In Christ's kingdom, only wounded soldiers can serve."

I thank you for the privilege of speaking to you.